


Vulnerabilities

by cian1675



Series: Free to be (Limitless) [2]
Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Comfort, Comfort Sex, Discrimination, Family Issues, Gen, Gender Issues, Love, M/M, Mpreg is discussed as an issue, Non-Linear Narrative, Omega Verse, Prejudice, Self Confidence Issues, Stereotypes, a little serious in others, but only mentioned in passing - Freeform, but there's a lot of love and handholding, exploration of the a/b/o dynamics, fluff at times, getting to know themselves better, hoya has a condom obsession, hoyeol, married woosoo, myungyeol as best friends, sort of, sort of slice of life actually, talking about feelings, the phrase "beta porn" is mentioned, warmth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-16
Updated: 2017-02-16
Packaged: 2018-09-24 21:31:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9787811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cian1675/pseuds/cian1675
Summary: They make a strange sight, don’t they? A beta and an omega, hands intertwined as they walk down the corridor of maternity wards. Sungyeol tries not to think too much about it.(Or, the a/b/o AU in which Sungyeol and Hoya make an unexpected trip to Busan, and Sungyeol ends up meeting Hoya’s family for the first time in a maternity ward.)





	

**Author's Note:**

> This continues some time after [Individuals, not stereotypes](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9225080). You don't need to read the first part of this series to understand this story since this can be read as a standalone oneshot, but the first part definitely helps to fill in some of their backstories and you might appreciate this story better if you read part 1 first :)

They had been dating for three months before they kissed. Hoya was the one who initiated it.

“Sungyeol,” Hoya had said, voice soft, face dimly lit in the corridor outside Sungyeol’s apartment.

“Hmm?”

“Can I?”

 _Can you what?_ Sungyeol would ask, but it was pretty obvious what Hoya was trying to do. It would be, even if this wasn’t the tenth time or something Hoya had tried to kiss him after a date. Sungyeol held his breath for a moment. His heart felt funny, a little too fast, and it would be nice to attribute it all to excitement but it wasn’t, or at least, it wasn’t all there was. There was a reason, after all, why Sungyeol hadn’t let Hoya kiss him despite the number of times he had asked. But that night, for some reason, Sungyeol didn’t say no. That night, he had looked at Hoya, Hoya who was looking at him with eyes sincere but not pressurizing, and Sungyeol had traced a hand down Hoya’s cheek.

And then, he leaned in.

That was their first kiss.

 

 

>> 

 

 

“Sungyeol.”

Sungyeol looks up from the accounts he’s doing. Hoya’s fidgety, which is a rare sight in itself, but he’s also smiling, and the contrast of that against the way he’s pacing around the room is confusing, to say the least. “Yeah?”

“Yeol… my brother’s going to be a dad soon.”

Sungyeol blinks. “You told me that a few months ago…” Then, realisation dawns upon him. “Oh! You mean –”

“Yeah,” Hoya says, smile still on his face, but his eyes are still a little too nervous. “His wife’s delivering tomorrow. Mum just told me.”

“Oh… Do we, I mean, _should_ we go?” Sungyeol tries to recall the schedule of their dance studio. “I’m sure we can inform your students now if you want to take a short trip back to Busan.”

Hoya stops mid-step in his pacing, then turns on his heels to face Sungyeol. He opens his mouth. Closes it. Eventually, he says, “Yeah. _Yeah._ Can you do that for me? And can you clear your own schedule too? I know you have a lot of admin stuff to do, but if I’m going to go to Busan, I …need you there with me.”

Sungyeol doesn’t even have to think twice. He knows home – Hoya’s old home in Busan, because technically this apartment they share in Seoul is Hoya’s home now – is a mixed bag of emotions for his boyfriend. In his head, Sungyeol is already trying to sort out what he needs to do before they can go.

“Yeah, of course I’ll go with you,” Sungyeol replies, giving Hoya a quick peck on his lips. Then, he’s patting Hoya’s shoulder, saying, “Pack our clothes while I settle the stuff for the dance studio, will you?”

“Mhmm.”

 

 

<< 

 

 

Their second kiss hadn’t happen until weeks after the first. Hoya had tried, as usual, but Sungyeol didn’t feel right letting him kiss him, didn’t feel right leading him on like that. It took Hoya a week more to ask why. By then, Sungyeol had already gone through all the possible scenarios that could happen in his head, the most extreme of which involved Hoya dumping him straight away. In all honesty, Hoya probably wouldn’t, and Sungyeol knew that, but Myungsoo did always tell him that he had an overactive imagination.

(Sungyeol thought a better word for that was pessimistic.)

“So, Sungyeol, is there a reason why you’re so… hesitant to let me kiss you?” Hoya had asked, eyes looking between him and the floor as he stood outside Sungyeol’s apartment door. The way he said it so awkwardly, head tucked like he was worried he would be taken the wrong way, Sungyeol was pretty sure Hoya was just genuinely concerned. There was reason to be, after all, when Sungyeol had kissed him weeks before, but didn’t let him after. If Sungyeol was in Hoya’s shoes, he was sure he would be at least curious too.

Fiddling with the hem of his shirt, Sungyeol hoped he was wrong about the pessimistic thoughts in his head, before he took a deep breath to spill what he probably should have told Hoya much earlier.

“I… I’m not hesitant about letting you kiss me.”

Hoya tilted his head, puzzled. Sungyeol continued.

“I… I’m just… worried about what the kissing will lead to.”

Hoya had blinked slowly then, uncomprehending, and Sungyeol had to halt the speech he had prepared in his head.

“Uh, actually, it’s kind of hard to explain all of this in the corridor. Maybe we should do it inside.”

Hoya didn’t respond for a moment, but then he smiled slightly.

“Alright.”

He looked so cute in that moment, the way he agreed so easily that Sungyeol found himself stepping forward to press a chaste kiss to Hoya’s cheek. The wide-eyed surprise on Hoya’s face afterwards was adorable as well, but Sungyeol didn’t think he should kiss him again. At least, not until he explained everything.

“Come on, let’s go in.”

 

 

 

>> 

 

 

The drive to Busan isn’t terrible, considering that it’s a weekday, but it still drains Sungyeol a little. He had offered to drive because he didn’t think Hoya should be driving with the state of mind he’s probably in with the news – Hoya’s going to be an _uncle_ soon – and he was lucky Hoya had agreed. Better him be slightly tired than Hoya when they have to meet Hoya’s family. At least this way, they would just think Sungyeol’s a little unenthusiastic or standoffish, instead of thinking Hoya’s not excited to meet his new niece or nephew.

(He is, Sungyeol can tell, but he also senses something else under the surface he can’t quite pinpoint.)

Sungyeol gets out of the car, slipping his hand into Hoya’s and intertwines their fingers.

“I didn’t think it’ll be so fast,” Sungyeol says as they walk into the hospital, scanning the signs for directions to the maternity ward.

Hoya finds the sign first, pulling Sungyeol along as he heads in the direction. “Didn’t think _what_ would be so fast?”

 _The baby_ , Sungyeol thinks, but what he says is, “Meeting your whole family for the first time, idiot.”

 

 

<< 

 

 

“So,” Sungyeol had said, after he passed a cup of citrus tea to Hoya (coffee this late at night was a bad idea for the both of them, while plain water had seemed just a little strange, so citrus tea it was). “This is probably going to sound all kinds of stupid, but I need you to hear me out first.”

Hoya had looked at him then, clearly confused, but he nodded.

“I… I’m scared of… sex,” Sungyeol had mumbled, lowering his head slightly so he won’t have to show his face to Hoya. But that probably sent out the wrong impression, because Hoya suddenly became very quiet.

“…Sung…yeol?”

Head still tucked, Sungyeol raised his eyes to look at Hoya past his fringe. On the sofa across him, Hoya regarded him with intense concentration, expression somewhere between concerned and worried, but also strangely… angry? And then, all at once, Sungyeol realised what it must have sounded like to Hoya – Hoya who’s an _omega_ , and whose mind had probably immediately jumped to the worst-case scenario possible.

“Oh shit, no, that’s not what I meant,” Sungyeol fumbled, trying to correct the misunderstanding he was sure was forming in Hoya’s head, "I didn’t… nothing terrible happened to me.” He laughed a little, the sound cut short by a recollection of his terrible botched first time with his beta ex-girlfriend, before he tried again.

“What I mean is… I couldn’t get it up when I tried to have sex with my beta ex-girlfriend for the first time, and I’ve been too scared to try it again afterwards.” Sungyeol had quickly shut his mouth after the words were out, lest he babble something stupid (stupid _er_ , because it wasn’t as if the whole thing wasn’t already stupid in itself), but then the silence in his living room quickly became deafening.

That was, until Hoya spoke again.

“…oh.”

Sungyeol blinked then, a little offended by the lack of reaction. He had pretty much just spilled one of his biggest secrets – one of his most _embarrassing_ secrets; one no one other than Myungsoo and the ex in question knew about – and all Hoya could say was “oh”? He was about to say something to that, but then Hoya had looked at him, eyes dark with some emotion he couldn’t quite decipher.

“I was worried it’ll be something else,” Hoya mumbled, his exhale a little shaky, before he continued, “Gosh, I… I know it’s probably stupid, but I’m so glad this …is all?”

Sungyeol frowned at him.

Hoya scratched his head, looking uncomfortable. “I… It’s okay, you know.”

“What’s okay?” Sungyeol asked, a little less miffed at Hoya’s reaction (or lack thereof) now, and a little more confused.

“That your first time didn’t go well.”

“Oh.” Now Sungyeol’s the one with the lackluster reaction. To be fair, it probably wasn’t so much lackluster as it was just him not being sure what to say. _Hoya probably didn’t know what to say earlier either_ , a little voice in Sungyeol’s head pointed out, and Sungyeol had felt a little lame then, for getting annoyed before. Wondering what to say to diffuse the awkward silence that had fallen, Sungyeol was about to ask if Hoya wanted more tea when Hoya suddenly grinned.

“Oh my god, I just _realised_. This makes so much sense now, why you have so much beta porn in your hard drive.”

That wasn’t the sort of reaction Sungyeol had been expecting from Hoya either, but Sungyeol had started realising then that maybe he should really stop overthinking so much, because Hoya’s reaction so far hadn’t been anywhere close to what Sungyeol had imagined in his head.

“Yah, don’t say it –”

“You were doing fucking research, weren’t you?” Hoya grinned, the smile wolfish, teeth showing, and Sungyeol was suddenly very glad he hadn’t expected this reaction, because it was much, _much_ better than all the scenarios he had prepared for in his head.

“Yah, Lee Howon, you did _not_ just say ‘fucking research’! Take that back, that’s a terrible pun!”

 

 

>> 

 

 

He’s not sure what he’s expecting, but Sungyeol’s suddenly thinking maybe he should have stopped by a supermarket to pick up some fruits or something because who visits family in the hospital empty-handed?

“Yeol, it’s fine, my mum knows we rushed here,” Hoya mumbles, squeezing his hand as the elevator pings. The doors slide open, and Sungyeol realises that he had probably said his thoughts out loud.

“Yeah you did,” Hoya replies, pressing his nose against Sungyeol’s shoulder, inhaling. Sungyeol wants to point out that he shouldn’t be doing this in public, but if a little shirt-sniffing would comfort Hoya, Sungyeol can deal with the few stray glances people throw their way.

(They make a strange sight, don’t they? A beta and an omega, hands intertwined as they walk down the corridor of maternity wards. Sungyeol tries not to think too much about it.)

 

 

<< 

 

 

After the talk with Hoya about sex, kisses became more frequent, although Sungyeol still didn’t know what to do about the topic of sex itself. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to (he did, he always did, even under the nervousness and apprehension he had felt before revealing his fear to Hoya), and now that Hoya knew what he was worried about (and why), it wasn’t like they couldn’t just do it. Sungyeol lived alone in his apartment, and Hoya sent him back every time they went on a date. Honestly, there were so many opportunities for them to progress beyond chaste kisses, but it never really happened. It could be that Hoya was just being understanding and taking things slow, but Sungyeol couldn’t exactly say it wasn’t at least partially his fault.

(So maybe Sungyeol was still a little hung up on sex. People don’t change that quickly. He wondered if Hoya had picked up on his hesitation, and whether that was why he never tried anything beyond soft close-lipped kisses.)

“Can you imagine that though? An omega teaching a beta how to have sex,” Sungyeol had half-joked while on the phone with Myungsoo one night, knowing full well that he was less joking than he was serious, and also that he was letting his own insecurities trip him up. Maybe that was why he had called Myungsoo in the middle of the night suddenly, hoping he’d get some sense knocked into him by his best friend.

“Yeollie, don’t be silly. Presentation has nothing to do with that,” Myungsoo had replied, and _that_ had been the kind of response Sungyeol needed.

But then Myungsoo had to add –

“Besides, Hoya has a lot of experience –”

And that wasn’t what Sungyeol had expected Myungsoo to say. Still, considering Myungsoo and Hoya’s strange friendship-with-sex-on-the-side arrangement they had in college, Sungyeol couldn’t exactly say he was surprised. He just kind of wished he didn’t hear that second part.

“Shut up, Soo.”

Myungsoo had chuckled then, the sound familiar, while Sungyeol sank into his bed, feeling stupid for calling but he didn’t exactly have anyone else to tell this to.

“Yah, stop it, or I’ll find someone else to talk to,” Sungyeol threatened, but all it did was make Myungsoo laugh again.

“Sure, you do that,” Myungsoo managed to say between peals of laughter, and after pouting for a while more, Sungyeol had ended up laughing along with Myungsoo.

It was only later, after they detoured the conversation with some idle chat about Myungsoo and Woohyun’s newly married life did Myungsoo bring up the topic of Sungyeol’s hang-up again.

“You know, if you’re really worried, just remember that sex is about communication.”

Sungyeol had rolled his eyes then, although he knew Myungsoo wouldn’t be able to see that over the phone.

“Soo, I’m not, like, _twelve_. I know that.” And Sungyeol did, _really_. He just wasn’t sure he knew how to translate what he knew in his brain into actual actions sometimes.

Not commenting on his blatant sarcasm, Myungsoo merely continued, “Also, if you recall, I told you that Hoya only ever tops, so it shouldn’t matter even if you go soft on him when you guys try doing it –”

Sungyeol had forgotten that piece of information from when they were in college (from when he had walked in on Myungsoo and Hoya while they were _together_ and _naked_ ), but the memory came back to him too easily –

“Okay, Soo, too much information, _stop_. I don’t need to hear what you did with my boyfriend back in college, thank you very much,” Sungyeol had rambled in a rushed breath, before he held the phone out, a little further from his ear. After what Sungyeol deemed to be enough time passed, he placed the phone back against his ear again.

“…Yeollie?”

“Hmm?”

Sungyeol wasn’t sure if Myungsoo would comment on how he shouldn’t just ignore him while talking on the phone, but he had forgotten how Myungsoo can be an ass sometimes despite his usually good-natured personality, because Myungsoo whispered –

“Hoya does amazing things with his body.”

Sungyeol pretended he didn’t hear a thing.

“Yah, I’m hanging up, Soo. You suck.”

(And if Sungyeol caught Myungsoo laughing while someone in the back – Woohyun, probably – yelled back, “Yes he does! Really well, in fact! Now can you hang up so we can all sleep, it’s frigging three in the morning!”… well, that was another thing Sungyeol didn’t need to know, so he pretended he had never heard any of it.)

 

 

>> 

 

 

“Eomma,” Hoya says the moment he slides the maternity ward door open, and Sungyeol sees a middle-aged woman with short hair turn slightly.

“Howon, I’m glad you made it,” she says, smiling a little but doesn’t move from her spot by the wall. Sungyeol watches Hoya navigate past a guy – his younger brother probably? – to get closer to her and the bed. Beside her, a gruff-looking middle-aged man stands, eyeing Sungyeol suspiciously, while Sungyeol stays where he is, trying not to cower under the weight of his glare.

It’s only one brief moment spent in Hoya’s dad’s presence, but Sungyeol can already start to guess why Hoya only ever brings up his mum and not his dad. Hoya doesn’t say much about his family in general (and Sungyeol hadn’t pressed), but Sungyeol can kind of guess what kind of family dynamics they might have. It seems to Sungyeol that this is one of those families where everyone’s a little reticent with each other, the kind of awkwardness only family can have with how close they are to each other but not. Sungyeol’s suddenly very grateful for the easy atmosphere he had always taken for granted with his own family at home.

“Hi hyung, hi hyungsoo,” Hoya says to the couple on the bed – Hoya’s older brother and his wife, Sungyeol assumes, given how the wife is the only one with a bulging tummy and in hospital garbs – and they smile, returning greetings.

Sungyeol stays where he is for a moment more, wondering what he should do – whether he should introduce himself or wait – when Hoya says, “Oh, and this is Sungyeol.”

He has been trying not to expect too much in general, but Sungyeol’s still surprised that no one really bothers paying him attention even after he’s introduced. Hoya’s family just continues with whatever they were doing – which, to be honest, looks to Sungyeol like they’re just standing around the bed awkwardly not talking while Hoya’s older brother speaks softly to his wife. Hoya’s younger brother in particular looks a little pained, but then again, that could just be Sungyeol projecting. Whatever the case is, this isn’t the kind of family dynamics Sungyeol is used to, and he’s not sure what he should do. In the end, Sungyeol figures he should at least introduce himself.

“Hi, I’m Sungyeol, nice to meet you.”

Bowing a polite ninety degrees, Sungyeol wonders if he should add that he’s Hoya’s boyfriend. But then, Hoya hadn’t said anything about it earlier, which Sungyeol takes to mean he probably shouldn’t. He should just ask Hoya later, whether he’s supposed to pretend to be a close friend for the next few days they’ll be here. It’s not ideal, but Sungyeol isn’t naïve enough to think that this kind of deception isn’t sometimes necessary, especially with family.

Trying not to think too far down that line of thought, Sungyeol throws a wane smile in Hoya’s direction, then steps back to stand unobtrusively in the corner of the hospital room. He wipes his now damp palms down the back of his jeans, trying to ignore how out of place he feels here. Judging by the way Hoya’s casting a slightly worried glance at him every few minutes, he’s starting to think he might not be the only one.

 

 

<< 

 

 

As with a lot of the ideas Sungyeol had, things seemed to work out better in his head.

(Except they don’t, not really, they just never really quite turn out the way he expected them to. Sometimes that was bad, but others times that was good – like that time he told Hoya about his hang-up. Either way, Sungyeol should just stop thinking so hard about everything.)

“Yeol, what are you doing?”

Sungyeol looked up from where he was leaning against Hoya, the two of them on his sofa watching some movie playing on TV.

“Nothing…?” He hoped he sounded convincing enough, but then Hoya raised a brow.

“Really?”

Sungyeol stopped his finger.  Hoya turned slightly to look at him properly.

“Okay. Because you’ve been stroking my thigh for the last ten minutes and I’m not sure what you’re trying to do.”

Hoya’s tone was one of curiosity, not interest, and Sungyeol wasn’t sure what he did wrongly. He gulped, before he tried to answer.

“Imighthavebeentryingtogetyouinterested.”

Hoya blinked at him.

“Say that again, but slower.”

Sungyeol wanted to bury his face into Hoya’s shoulder where he would never have to embarrass himself again, but he figured he might as well say it once more if his face was going to turn red anyway.

“I was trying to… get you interested.”

Sungyeol turned away immediately after he said the last word, but there wasn’t anywhere to hide so he ended up just covering his face with his hands.

“…Yeollie?”

Sungyeol risked a glance between his fingers then. Hoya was watching him with an amused expression.

“What.”

 _You’re being silly_ , was what Sungyeol imagined Hoya would say. Or, _oh.._. What Hoya said instead was, “To be honest, I thought you’d never ask.”

 _Now_ Sungyeol was the one blinking, and he must have forgotten to keep his hands over his burning cheeks, because somehow, Hoya was suddenly in his face, grinning.

“Can I kiss you and do other stuff now?”

It sounded so stupid, the way Hoya said it, but Sungyeol couldn’t help but feel then that that was the best line he had heard in a long time.

“Stop talking and just do it already.”

 

 

>> 

 

 

They’re in a motel, because there isn’t really enough space to fit both Sungyeol and Hoya in Hoya’s parents’ apartment. While Hoya’s mum had offered to let them stay at their place anyway, saying she could clean up Hoya’s old room, get some of Hojun’s stuff out (that’s Hoya’s younger brother, Sungyeol realised after a while) and lay a mattress for their guest (that’s what they’ve been calling Sungyeol so far, “guest”, as if he hadn’t already introduced himself, and Sungyeol tried his best not to mind that too much), Hoya had told her not to tire herself. Anyway, they can easily find a room in a nearby motel, he had said, and she had agreed – a little too quickly, in Sungyeol’s opinion, though he suspected Hoya’s father’s still-suspicious glare had something to do with it. Whatever the case is, Sungyeol and Hoya are now in a motel near the hospital, where they’ll be staying until Hoya’s sister-in-law gives birth.

“What did you tell the receptionist?” Sungyeol asks when they get to the room they got, because he’s sharing a room with Hoya. As in _one_ room. On top of that, it’s one room with _one_ king sized bed, instead of _two_ single beds. He’s honestly a little surprised. Sungyeol’s not sure what he’s supposed to be at the moment.

(Is he Hoya’s boyfriend, or should he pretend to be a close friend here?)

“I told her we are mated,” Hoya replies, rolling their luggage in before laying it down by the wardrobe to unzip it. “I figured it’s easier. She wouldn’t know anyway, whether it’s true or not. The non-discriminatory law prevents her from checking our presentations.”

Sungyeol watches Hoya unpack some of their stuff for a while. He should help. He sits on the bed for a while more before he gets up to actually help.

“She can probably smell you,” is what Sungyeol says after they’re almost done unpacking.

Hoya gives him a curious look.

“She’s a beta, I think. So she probably can’t tell, especially when I’m on suppressants.”

 _Right_. Sungyeol forgot about that possibility, since his own nose is pretty much useless for differentiating presentations, so he kind of has weird assumptions about what other people can or cannot smell. (He also doesn’t bother trying to guess who’s a beta or alpha or omega because he’s almost always wrong anyway, so he hadn’t even thought about whether the receptionist was a beta or not.) Still, it’s not really a big thing – well, no, the implications of their room arrangement is sort of a big thing that Sungyeol’s not sure what to make of after his encounter with Hoya’s family, but that can wait –

“So,” Sungyeol says, sidestepping that topic with the motel room and receptionist because that’s honestly the least of his worries at the moment, “Are you okay?”

Hoya looks at him a little oddly, tilting his head. A little furrow starts between his brows, and Sungyeol steps forward to press a finger to the creases, smoothening them away.

“You’ve been kind of tense since you got the news this morning,” is what Sungyeol says, when Hoya doesn’t reply.

“…have I?” Hoya asks, leaning into Sungyeol, wrapping his hands around his waist. Sungyeol brings his own arms over Hoya’s shoulder, hugging him easily.

“Mhmm.”

“Oh,” Hoya hums, and Sungyeol doesn’t press, because he’s learnt to wait, the same way Hoya waits for him. It’s better to wait for Hoya to tell him what’s on his mind when he’s ready, Sungyeol thinks, rubbing Hoya’s back, snuggling closer to place a small kiss on the top of his head.

“Mhmm.”

 

 

<< 

 

 

“So,” Hoya had said between kisses, and Sungyeol kind of wanted him to shut up because he hadn’t wanted those lips away from his, but Hoya managed to avoid his attempt to kiss again, laughing. “Gosh, you’re more enthusiastic than I thought you’d be.”

Sungyeol wasn’t sure if he was supposed to be offended at that, but then Hoya shifted a little, and Sungyeol could feel Hoya hard against his thigh. And the thought suddenly had him tense again – and not exactly in a good way.

“Hey, Yeollie, look at me.”

Hoya’s voice brought him out of the foggy memories of his first time, and Sungyeol had to take a moment to refocus.

“Yeah?”

Hoya smiled then, running his hands lightly down Sungyeol’s arms, the touch not purposely to entice because he wasn’t even looking at Sungyeol’s arms. No, his attention was on Sungyeol’s eyes, and Sungyeol wasn’t quite sure what to feel about the gaze if it wasn’t Hoya. Hoya with his teasing words, but also a soft side and who knew when to be gentle and patient. Hoya who had been nothing but accommodating so far, and it filled Sungyeol with something warm inside his chest. Sungyeol didn’t know if it was gratefulness or love he felt then. Maybe it was both. He hadn’t really learnt how to differentiate the two at that time.

“Don’t think so much,” Hoya had said, pushing Sungyeol’s hair out of his eyes, before shifting some more so they were lying while facing each other instead of Hoya being on top of him. It made for a tight squeeze since they were still on the couch, but Hoya only smiled again, placing a small kiss on his forehead. “Honestly, Yeollie, don’t think too much, just feel and trust me. And if you mess up, don’t worry about it, I won’t laugh at you, I promise.”

He should be slightly offended at that last bit, but Hoya’s words soothed him, for some reason. Maybe that was what Sungyeol had been afraid of the first time – messing up – and that had been what gotten him to actually mess everything up. And maybe he should really stop thinking so hard. It wasn’t as easy as just switching his brain off, but Sungyeol could try. He scooted forward, bringing his face closer to Hoya’s. Then he had kissed Hoya, slow and simple, nothing fancy, but Hoya didn’t say anything, just let Sungyeol explore his way down his neck, humming.

They didn’t quite get past making out that day, but Sungyeol was still really glad about the experience. And if he had a boner he had to ignore as he lay down next to Hoya to sleep later that night (it was late, and Hoya stayed over), well, that was honestly one problem Sungyeol was glad he had, instead of the opposite one.

 

 

>> 

 

 

“Are you asleep?”

Sungyeol opens his eyes, blurrily twisting around on the bed so he can look at Hoya who’s hugging him from behind. He had been almost asleep, to be honest, but something in Hoya’s tone catches his notice, though he’s not sure what. That’s what prompts Sungyeol to fudge the truth a little.

“Not yet, why?”

Hoya hugs him tighter, pressing his face against Sungyeol’s back to the point where Sungyeol gives up trying to see his face, head turning back to face forward again. Hoya doesn’t say anything for a while, and Sungyeol almost falls back asleep, but then he feels a wet press on his shoulder.

“…Howon?”

Hoya doesn’t reply, just places more kisses against Sungyeol’s back over his loose sleeveless top. Sungyeol scoots a little out of Hoya’s arms so he can turn over to face him. It doesn’t stop Hoya from continuing to kiss him though. Hoya’s nuzzling the mole on Sungyeol’s collarbone when Sungyeol decides to reach for his cheek, gently tilting his face up – a wordless question. Hoya looks at him, something heavy in his gaze – a silent reply.

Sungyeol could ask what Hoya wants, make him say it in words so he knows for sure. But the look in Hoya’s eyes, the way he’s blinking slowly at Sungyeol, Sungyeol thinks he can kind of guess the answer. After all, they’ve been together for a while now. Sungyeol lets his thumb glide over the corner of Hoya’s mouth, before dipping his head, capturing Hoya’s lips, feeling them part. The kiss grows. Hoya’s lips are soft but demanding against his, and Sungyeol lets Hoya set the pace. His hands come up Hoya’s side, grazing the hem of his shirt, then slips under the fabric to run against bare skin. Hoya feels a little too warm, but Sungyeol doesn’t register that as much as he realises that this would be easier without their shirts in the way. So he tugs at Hoya’s shirt, pulling it up until it’s at his chest, before reluctantly pulling away from Hoya’s mouth so he can take it off completely.

He knows it’s the right thing to do, when Hoya’s hands come up to quickly get Sungyeol’s top off as well, and before he knows it, Hoya’s lying on him, a thigh between his legs as he licks into Sungyeol’s mouth, hands roaming, sliding down his hips and Sungyeol’s own hands are running down Hoya’s back. Sungyeol doesn’t know what Hoya needs exactly, but he thinks this is what he can do for now – touching him, being there for him, holding him.

It’s familiar, the way they move against each other, but Sungyeol feels like Hoya needs something different today, something _more_. Hoya’s usually the one leading – Sungyeol more than happy to sit back and let his boyfriend do the work on most days, Hoya more than happy to be the one setting their pace – but today, Sungyeol thinks what Hoya needs is comfort. And while their usual arrangement might be _comfortable_ , it isn’t exactly the kind of comfort Sungyeol has in mind. Hoya hasn’t said anything yet about what’s bothering him or what he had wanted when he started kissing Sungyeol’s back just now, but after today’s events, Sungyeol figures holding his boyfriend and reminding him that he’s loved wouldn’t hurt.

So Sungyeol pulls his knees up, flipping them over until Hoya’s the one with his back against the bed, before resuming kissing. When Hoya raises his brows slightly at their change in position, Sungyeol merely mumbles, “Let me take care of you today” against his skin and then he’s mapping every inch of Hoya’s body with his mouth, fingertips and tongue. And later, when they come, with Sungyeol riding Hoya – a position they don’t do very often, to be honest, since Hoya likes to be on top, both literally and figuratively – Sungyeol feels like he made the right choice, because Hoya pulls him close afterwards, resting his forehead against Sungyeol’s and there’s what sounds like a soft sigh of content against his lips.

“Sleep,” Sungyeol mumbles, patting Hoya’s head softly while he reaches for tissues to gently wipe his cum off Hoya’s stomach. Hoya hums, lazily slipping out of him, and Sungyeol smiles, seeing how Hoya’s loose-limbed and content on the bed now, drifting off to sleep. He eases the condom off Hoya, tying it before disposing that along with the used tissues, and then he slips under the covers.

“Goodnight,” Sungyeol whispers, arm sliding over Hoya’s waist, finding a comfortable position to sleep in although with the slow even breaths fanning against his chest, Sungyeol’s pretty sure Hoya has already fallen asleep.

 

 

<< 

 

 

He hadn’t wanted to ask until after they’ve had sex for a few times – after Sungyeol had _personally_ experienced Myungsoo’s claim that Hoya only ever tops – but one day, while they were just lounging in Sungyeol’s apartment (he swore Hoya pretty much lived here, even if he claimed he didn’t) Sungyeol got curious enough to say –

“Myungsoo says you only ever top. Is that true?”

Hoya looked at him for a moment, before making a face. “Eww, I didn’t know you discussed our sex life with Myungsoo.” He laughed immediately afterwards, deadpan tone discarded in just a second, and Sungyeol merely rolled his eyes.

“We don’t, I don’t need to hear about what you did with him when I have you in front of me,” Sungyeol replied dryly, only realising after the words were out that he might have sounded sappier than he intended. To compensate, he mock-tackled Hoya, and Hoya hadn’t even bothered avoiding it, pretending instead to be injured by the false blow. Sungyeol had gotten caught up with that then, fake-fighting his boyfriend, chasing him around his kitchen that he forgot what he had asked earlier and he hadn’t noticed that Hoya hadn’t exactly replied.

It was only later, when they were both seated on the floor catching their breaths, Hoya mumbling, “I just… don’t like to receive,” did Sungyeol remember that he had asked a question. But the way Hoya had said it, softly under his breath like he didn’t want Sungyeol to ask more, Sungyeol had ended up pretending he didn’t hear it at all, instead standing up, exclaiming that he needed water.

 

 

>> 

 

 

“Do you think she’ll be okay?”

Sungyeol looks at Hoya, surprised by the sudden question. They’ve been sitting around in silence for the last hour or so since Hoya’s sister-in-law went into labour, and this is the first thing anyone has said so far.

(So Hoya’s family isn’t big on talking. Or touching. Or anything much, really. He’s not sure how it works, but Sungyeol is trying very hard not to judge or assume anything.)

“I’m sure she’ll be fine. We’re in a hospital, and they’ve been preparing for her to deliver the baby since yesterday,” Sungyeol says, reaching over to hold Hoya’s hand. It’s only when he catches Hoya’s father looking at the gesture does he pull his hand away, settling for patting Hoya on the shoulder instead.

Hoya doesn’t say anything in reply, just stares at his cup of now-cold coffee from the vending machine, and Sungyeol’s not sure what he can do, besides being there beside him. So he does just that, patting Hoya’s back some more, trying not to notice how Hoya’s family tries (and fails) to be discreet about throwing him questioning sideward glances.

 

 

<< 

 

 

Hoya and Sungyeol almost never have sex without condoms. The first few times Sungyeol thought it was just because they hadn’t had time to check each other’s sexual health (though Sungyeol was pretty much a virgin so there wasn’t anything much to check on his side, to be honest). But even after both of them did a proper screening declaring them both STDs-free, Hoya insisted on using condoms every time.

“You know that we’re both safe, right?” Sungyeol had said one day, while Hoya was checking their supply of condoms in the bedside drawer.

Hoya turned to look at him, before resuming his routine of checking expiration dates on the boxes. “Yeah, I know.”

Sungyeol stretched out on the bed. “And you know I can’t get pregnant, right?”

 “…yeah, I know,” Hoya had said, though with a little less certainty in his tone than before. Sungyeol hadn’t thought much of that then, figuring Hoya was just distracted since he hadn’t looked up from the boxes.

“So do we really need condoms?” Sungyeol asked, turning a little so he can loop an arm around Hoya’s waist. Hoya shifted slightly to lean into Sungyeol’s touch.

“We don’t, but…”

“But?”

“I feel better if we use them,” Hoya answered eventually, before he held out a box. “Can you toss this into the bin?”

Sungyeol took the box from Hoya’s hand, and _heh, it really was expired – six months past, in fact_ – before dumping it into their bin by the other side of the bed.

“Well, okay, I guess that’s as good of a reason to use them as any,” Sungyeol replied once he remembered what they were talking about. Thinking for a while more, Sungyeol added, “Though, considering how you’re the only one who wears them, maybe you should pay for them yourself –”

Hoya smacked him lightly on the arm.

“Yeol, our income is _shared_ , in case you forgot, ever since you quitted your job to run the dance studio with me.”

Sungyeol laughed. Hoya smacked him again. So Sungyeol tried to roll out of Hoya’s reach, but Hoya was faster, grabbing his leg before putting his weight across Sungyeol’s thighs so he couldn’t move. Trying to escape, Sungyeol wiggled under Hoya’s weight, and it was only then, Hoya’s eyes darkening with the movement did Sungyeol realise what their current position could become. Hoya’s voice came out a little breathy afterwards.

“…Is this your attempt to get me to bareback you?”

Sungyeol hadn’t even thought of that – he was just honestly curious about why they even needed condoms in the first place – but barebacking didn’t sound like a bad idea.

“Well… the question is, _will you?_ ”

Hoya laughed.

“Wouldn’t you like to find out?”

(And Sungyeol did find out, in fact. But that was probably one of the few handful of times they had sex without a condom.)

 

 

>> 

 

 

It takes another half an hour before the doctor comes out.

“You can see the mother and the baby for a short while, but they’ll need to rest soon.”

Sungyeol follows Hoya and his family into the ward. The baby is a wrinkled looking thing, bundled in soft pink cloth, and Sungyeol isn’t sure what he’s supposed to think. He’s happy for them, of course, but this isn’t his family, and he’s not sure if he should be his usual self when the family’s response is much more subdued. Case in point, Hoya’s mother strokes the baby’s head a few times, mumbling something before patting Hoya’s sister-in-law, and Hoya’s father merely nods. Hoya’s younger brother only peers at the baby from where he’s standing a fair distance away. Hoya has moved a little closer to the bed, but he seems hesitant to touch the baby as well.

Figuring he should keep his response subdued to match, Sungyeol decides to just smile at the couple. But Sungyeol ends up waving a little to the baby when he sees her turning in his direction even though he knows she probably has no clue what she’s doing.

“Did you name her?” Hoya asks after a while.

“Him,” Hoya’s older brother corrects. “They ran out of blue cloth.”

Sungyeol sees Hoya blink slowly at the correction, before shrugging easily. “Right, _him._ What’s his name?”

“Joonhee.”

“That’s cute,” Sungyeol mumbles, only realising he has spoken when eyes turn to look at him. “Uh –”

“Yeah, I think it’s a cute name too,” Hoya says, saving Sungyeol from having to figure out what to say. Sungyeol suddenly has an urge to lace his hands with Hoya, just because it’s comfortable and familiar, but he’s still too aware of Hoya’s parents’ presence. So Sungyeol settles for a slight shoulder bump as he scoots a little closer to Hoya on the pretext of seeing the baby better.

“He’s so small,” Hoya comments, earning a laugh from the mother of the baby.

“Of course he’s small, Howon-ah. He was born only an hour ago.”

Hoya smiles embarrassedly, rubbing his head, “Yeah, I know. What am I even saying?”

 _You don’t know what you’re saying because the baby got your brain_ , is what Sungyeol wants to say and what he normally would, in his joking tone, but he’s not himself here, in the too-white hospital with Hoya’s family, so he just smiles politely and claps Hoya’s back.

“Don’t mind him, he’s just excited.”

Hoya turns to frown at him, and Sungyeol wonders what he said wrongly, but then Hoya puts on a smile again.

“Yeah, yeah, don’t mind me.”

His words sound hollow and too-bright, and while Sungyeol has realised since yesterday that he doesn’t know how to act around Hoya’s family, he’s suddenly made very aware of the fact that he doesn’t really know how to act around Hoya when he’s around his family either.

 

 

<< 

 

 

“What’s your family like?”

Hoya wriggled within Sungyeol’s loose embrace, tilting his head backwards to glance at Sungyeol. His fringe tickled Sungyeol’s chin in the process, prompting him to sit up taller so he wouldn’t be inhaling Hoya’s hair.

“Why are you suddenly asking?”

“Dunno,” Sungyeol answered, picking up popcorn from the bowl Hoya’s holding in his lap. The movie they were watching was kind of boring. “Just wondered.”

“They’re… like _that_ , I guess,” Hoya mumbled.

“Way to be vague,” Sungyeol remarked without thinking, his attention half on the movie before he realised Hoya was looking at him carefully, clearly _thinking_ about something.

“You know, you don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to,” Sungyeol added quickly, hugging Hoya a little tighter around his waist. Hoya squirmed but remained in Sungyeol’s arms.

“I’ve… made my peace with them. Mum’s okay. She… yeah, she’s okay.”

Sungyeol looked at Hoya.Then he leaned his forehead against Hoya’s shoulder.

“Okay.”

That was when Sungyeol first found out that family was a sore point for Hoya.

 

 

>> 

 

 

Hoya’s mum invites them over for lunch. They sit around the table quietly, the five of them passing food between them once in a while, but the conversation is mostly Hoya’s mum asking Hoya how he’s doing. Hoya’s younger brother excuses himself to his room once he finishes eating.

“So, Howon-ah, do you have anyone you’re seeing?” Hoya’s mum asks, and _there it is_ , the question Sungyeol has been uneasily waiting for since he stepped into Hoya’s childhood home (since he agreed to come to Busan with Hoya, actually).

Hoya glances at him. Sungyeol raises his eyebrows just the slightest bit, wondering what Hoya would say (wondering how he should act once Hoya answers).

“…Yeah. Yeah, I have.”

Sungyeol feels his eyes widen at the response, and he quick ducks his head so no one would notice. _What are you doing_ , he wants to ask Hoya, except he can’t, because Hoya’s attention is still on his mum.

“Oh, is she an alpha?” Hoya’s mum guesses, clearly interested. Hoya’s father doesn’t move but Sungyeol notices the sudden glint of alertness in his eyes at the remark.

“…No.”

“Oh, is it… perhaps not a girl?”

Sungyeol watches Hoya take in shallow breaths, his eyes on the empty plates in front of him now and no longer on anyone in the room – not his mum, not Sungyeol and most definitely not his dad.

“He’s a guy and he’s not an alpha,” Hoya says, his voice firm like he’s expecting something. Sungyeol can only begin to guess what that might be, except it turns out that he doesn’t need to, because Hoya’s father cuts in.

“Is this another one of your omega bullshit again? Are you dating another omega again, Lee Howon?”

Hoya’s head jerks up at his father’s sudden contribution to the conversation, and Sungyeol sees his jaw lock before he forcibly relaxes his posture.

“No, appa. I’m not dating an omega. He’s a beta.” Hoya’s voice is surprisingly steady.

“What difference does that make? It goes against natural mating biology! Omegas should mate with alphas, and betas with other betas!”

Sungyeol finds himself frozen in his seat, the force of Hoya’s father’s harsh tone like a vice tightening around his throat. He has to remind himself to breathe normally. He shouldn’t draw attention to himself.

“I… I’m not going to argue about this with you, appa. I’ve said my piece before, and my stance hasn’t changed,” Hoya replies, his tone level – _calm_ even – although there’s the thinnest thread of tension in his voice.

“How are you even going to give us grandchildren, huh?”

Hoya raises his brows at the almost-shout, before squeezing his eyes shut. Sungyeol is tempted to reach over, touch him (comfort him), but he’s still gripped by the uncomfortable tension in the room.

“Biology dictates that I can still give birth to a child from a beta guy, appa,” Hoya almost sighs, and Sungyeol thinks that’s the end of what he’s going to say – it’s clear that Hoya’s way of handling his father is to say as little of what might get him into an argument as possible – but then Hoya adds, “But the point remains that I don’t want to have children, so honestly it doesn’t matter.”

That last bit is news to Sungyeol – they've not gotten to the point of talking about marriage (not that it’s even legal between a beta and omega), let alone children – but he doesn’t have time to process those words because Hoya’s suddenly standing up.

“I’m going to go now. Please tell hyung and hyungsoo that I wish for hyungsoo to have a speedy recovery, and that I’ll come by to see Joonhee once in a while. Bye, eomma.”

It doesn’t slip Sungyeol’s notice that Hoya doesn’t say bye to his father, but he’s too busy getting up to follow after Hoya’s disappearing back to think about it.

“Goodbye, thank you for having me for lunch.”

Sungyeol doesn’t miss the glare Hoya’s father shoots his way, and he vaguely wonders if he has figured out that Sungyeol’s the one Hoya’s dating.

(Hadn’t it been kind of obvious, the way Hoya brought Sungyeol to accompany him all the way here, from Seoul to Busan?)

He hurries after Hoya.

 

 

<< 

 

 

This was what Sungyeol had learnt in biology class in elementary school –

There are two sexes and three presentations. Everyone’s born a particular sex – male or female (or in rare cases, intersex, but they hadn’t bothered teaching him that back in elementary school; Sungyeol only found out because Myungsoo told him because Myungsoo likes to be informed about stuff like that). Presentations manifest some time during puberty, and everyone, regardless of their biological sex would present as one of three presentations – alpha, beta or omega. (Sungyeol assumed the way there are intersex individuals, there are likely to be cases where someone isn’t fully alpha, beta or omega. But again, that wasn’t something he was ever taught in school.)

Anyway, because of the way biological sex and presentation are intertwined, there are six possible genders – alpha male, alpha female, beta male, beta female, omega male, and omega female. In class, Sungyeol’s biology teacher, some middle-aged lady with greying hair, had taught them about reproductive systems, how they’re different for each of the six, and how their society is fortunate that four out of six of their gender types can bear children.

“So, besides females of any presentation, omega males can give birth too?” someone had asked, and the teacher had nodded. Sungyeol hadn’t really been paying attention before that, but that question caught his notice. He had never thought about it before.

(What if he presented as an omega when puberty hits? Would he have to give birth to babies? Do men even give birth? He hadn’t seen any pregnant men in his neighbourhood before –)

“Well, biologically yes,” the teacher had answered, making a face like she had more to say but didn’t know how. Eventually she just stopped there, and asked if anyone had any more questions.

Sungyeol raised his hand.

“Yes?”

“If an alpha female and an omega male mate, who gives birth?”

He hadn’t been paying full attention to class, but Sungyeol had always known that alpha females were capable of impregnation. His mother is an alpha, though Sungyeol didn’t want to think about his mum’s private parts in any capacity, so he stopped his thoughts there.

His biology teacher gave him an odd look.

“That’s an interesting question to ask, Sungyeol-ssi, but I’m afraid while I can say it’s biologically possible for either of them to give birth, it’s actually usually the female who gives birth. Even though it doesn’t make much sense, seeing how omegas, male or female, are generally more fertile than alpha females, but that’s the kind of society we live in.”

Sungyeol remembered being confused then.

“Why wouldn’t the guy just give birth then, if they’re more fertile?”

His teacher gave him a look that Sungyeol at ten years old hadn’t understood.

“Well, sometimes…it’s just the way things are.”

He hadn’t been satisfied with that answer at that time, but classes had ended, so Sungyeol couldn’t ask more.

 

 

>> 

 

 

“Hoya, hey, wait for me,” Sungyeol yells as he sees the elevator doors closing before he’s even done wearing his shoes. Hoya sticks his arm out in time for the sensors to automatically retract them.

“Thanks,” Sungyeol pants as he rushes into the lift. Hoya shoots him a weak smile, before pressing the button for ground floor.

After a moment, still looking at the lift buttons, Hoya mumbles, “I’m sorry… for earlier. I should have at least warned you before I said so much in front of my parents. It’s just, I forget how angry my dad makes me sometimes.”

Sungyeol nods slowly. He had figured as much. He slips an arm around Hoya’s shoulders.

“It’s okay.”

Hoya tenses a little, but then relaxes into the touch. Sungyeol squeezes his shoulder slightly, momentarily overwhelmed with the urge to hug Hoya tightly, _protect_ him, but he knows he can’t solve Hoya’s troubles for him; he can only stand by him and try to help him through it. So Sungyeol just holds Hoya as close as he can in a one-arm hug during the short elevator ride, and by the time the doors open again, Hoya’s a little less on edge.

 

 

It’s later, when they’re driving to the motel, that Hoya says, “You know, I said a lot just now, in my parent’s house.”

Sungyeol takes his eyes off the road to glance at him briefly. “Do you want to talk about it?” he asks softly.

Hoya doesn’t reply until they reach the next traffic light.

“Yeah, but maybe not here. Maybe when we get to the motel.”

Sungyeol nods, and doesn’t press.

“Okay. Should I switch on the radio?”

“Mhmm.”

 

 

When they get to their room, the first thing Hoya says before Sungyeol has even closed the door properly is, “You asked me why I was tense since yesterday.”

Sungyeol tilts his head slightly, but nods.

Hoya continues, “I think... It’s because of the baby – my nephew.” He sits down on the bed, then pulls his knees up against his chest. Sungyeol walks over, settling down next to him but leaves some space so Hoya wouldn’t feel crowded.

“I… never really wanted kids, you know,” Hoya mumbles. His voice is muffled by how he’s talking into his knees but Sungyeol catches most of it anyway.

“You never told me,” is what Sungyeol says, as gently as he can. He had only learnt about it earlier today after all, and he’s not sure what he thinks about it yet. Before Hoya – well, technically before Myungsoo too, but he never really did anything with that crush he had on his best friend, so Sungyeol’s not counting that – Sungyeol had always imagined he’ll get mated and married to a beta girl, and that they’ll have kids. He’d never really thought hard about whether he actually wanted kids, but he kind of assumed that he’ll have them anyway. He’s not sure what he thinks about kids now.

Hoya shifts slightly, before he replies, “Yeah, well, it has always been a hard thing to bring up.” There’s a short laugh, almost derisive in tone, but he continues before Sungyeol can say anything about it. “Remember you asked me once before, why I never bottomed?”

Sungyeol watches Hoya’s back expand and contract slightly with each slow, even breath he takes. Sungyeol’s breathing has slowed to match Hoya’s pace without him realising.

“Yeah, I remember. You didn’t really tell me why back then. Is it because... you don’t want to have children?”

Hoya closes his eyes, exhaling. “Yeah.”

“Oh.”

His word hangs in the air for a moment. But then Sungyeol recalls that biology lesson he had in elementary school all of a sudden, and he hears himself ask without thinking, “Is it because you don’t want to… give birth?”

Hoya’s next inhale comes a little too sharply. He takes a while before he answers. “Well, partially, but…”

“…but?”

“But,” Hoya sighs, lowering his head until his face is completely buried into his knees, “More than that, I’m _scared_.”

“Scared of…?”

“Scared of becoming my dad,” Hoya says quietly. His tone is so serious that Sungyeol doesn’t know what to say in reply. Hoya lifts his head a little then, blinking slowly, before one corner of his mouth turns up in a sardonic smile. “Sometimes, I catch myself talking like him, you know. _Behaving_ like him, even. Being unapproachable, speaking with harsh words, using a judgmental tone. I hear him in myself, and I’m so scared –”

Hoya’s voice cracks a little and he swallows visibly, but he pushes on –

“I’m so scared I’ll treat any children I might have the way he did to us. To me.”

The air he breathes in doesn’t quite fill his lungs, and Sungyeol has to deliberately suck in a mouthful of oxygen so he wouldn’t stop breathing. His chest feels too tight.

 _What did he do_ , Sungyeol wants to ask, but then Hoya starts quietly shaking – crying – and Sungyeol can only reach out to hold him. He pulls Hoya close until his head is against his chest, and Sungyeol feels useless that the only thing he can do is stroke Hoya’s back as he sobs in too-quiet hitching breaths into Sungyeol’s shirt.

“You are not your father, Howon-ah,” Sungyeol murmurs, and he feels Hoya still in his arms a little. But Sungyeol only continues stroking Hoya’s back slowly, pressing his nose against Hoya’s hair to have him closer. “You are not your father because you didn’t retort at him with harsh words despite what he said to you today –”

“Just ‘cause I didn’t do it to him doesn’t mean I don’t do it to other people,” Hoya cuts in quietly. “Sometimes I just… I say mean things to my brothers, or my students, and I feel terrible immediately but I still do it, and what if I do that to my kids?”

Sungyeol doesn’t know what to say. _You won’t_ , he wants to tell Hoya. But that sounds like an empty promise, a vote of unfounded confidence from him – him who’s not the one personally familiar with the exact contours of Hoya’s problems – and even though he knows he has faith in Hoya (maybe more faith than Hoya has in himself at the moment), he thinks his words probably wouldn’t come across quite like that to Hoya’s ears. So eventually, Sungyeol settles for, “Well, I don’t know. I don’t know if you’ll do that, but I know you’ll definitely want to try to be a better father than your dad was. And maybe that’s not enough, and maybe you’ll decide that you don’t want kids anyway, but whatever the case is, you’ll figure something out eventually.” Sungyeol pauses for a moment, then corrects himself –

“ _We_ will figure something out eventually. And you don’t have to think too hard about it – about kids or anything else. I mean, we can always talk about it together… you don’t have to think through it all by yourself.”

And because he suddenly realises he hasn’t said it all this time, Sungyeol adds –

“I love you, you know. Regardless.”

Maybe it’s still not quite the right words, and Sungyeol still feels useless that the only thing he can do is comfort Hoya, tell him he loves him, shower him with nothing but words and feelings, but Hoya hums into his shoulder, a little grateful sound, and maybe it’s not quite the answer he had in mind, but this is enough for Sungyeol. He pats Hoya’s back until he stops crying.

 

 

<< 

 

 

Hoya had been the one who said “I love you” first.

Sungyeol had been wearing only a pair of old, worn pajamas pants, hair messy from sleep, and he had just tumbled out of bed. Hoya was still lying tangled in the sheets, a lazy smile on his face and his eyes were half-closed, clearly still sleepy. About to head to the bathroom to brush his teeth, Sungyeol had frozen when Hoya said _that_ without preamble – said “I love you” so easily like he was just talking about what he wanted to eat for breakfast – and then Sungyeol took way too long to even register the words.

(He blamed it on having only just woken up, though the real reason was probably that he hadn’t been expecting this at all, even though at that time, Hoya had already properly moved into Sungyeol’s apartment and Sungyeol was beginning to consider quitting his boring office job to help out with Hoya’s dance studio. Maybe on hindsight, he shouldn’t have been surprised, but hindsight is always 20-20, isn’t it?)

“I… I love you too,” Sungyeol managed to say when he got his tongue back.

Hoya smiled.

“I know.”

 

 

>> 

 

 

It’s a week after, and Sungyeol thinks they’ve mostly resumed their usual routine since getting back to Seoul. He doesn’t know if Hoya still wants to talk about it – the baby, his nephew, his father – and just hasn’t brought the topic back up, or if he has actually figured something out on his own, and that’s why he’s not talking about it. So Sungyeol spends too long thinking, contemplating all the possibilities and ends up frustrating himself in the process. He knows he should just stop overthinking (or he can just ask Hoya if he really wants to know), but Sungyeol can’t help but wonder still, even as they’re watching a late-night movie on TV.

“Yeol?”

Sungyeol has to shake himself from his thoughts, although it doesn’t exactly work. “Yeah?”

“You’re distracted,” Hoya mumbles, a hand coming to rest on Sungyeol’s thigh. Sungyeol doesn’t think much of the gesture until Hoya starts drawing little circles into his leg, moving up – no, _under_ – the hem of his shorts.

“What are you doing?”

Hoya pauses his finger’s ascending path, but keeps it against Sungyeol’s thigh still. His fingertip makes a little indent against Sungyeol’s skin.

“So I’ve been thinking…”

“Hmm?”

“That maybe, just maybe… I should try bottoming once.”

Sungyeol freezes for a moment before his head snaps to the side.

“What…?”

Hoya laughs, and it sounds awkward, though maybe it’s also something else. “I just… you know, we can just try it.”

“Oh-kay,” Sungyeol manages to say, but he doesn’t know where this is going.

(What is this about? Is this what he thinks it’s about?)

“Uh,” Hoya breathes, then adds, “It’s just… It’s not like we’ll be doing this without a condom or that I’m no longer on suppressants or what –”

(And Sungyeol hears the hidden meaning behind that; that it’s somehow related to what he had been overthinking about the whole week – babies, children, a family –  but also not –)

“But you know. I figured I should at least try it once.”

Hoya waves his hand around vaguely, gesturing to nothing, before adding, “And I don’t know, maybe it’ll help me figure out how to make you feel better the next time when you’re bottoming, you know, because I’ve never had that experience of being a bottom and –”

Hoya’s rambling now, and Sungyeol finds the corner of his lips turning up little without realising. Before he registers what he’s doing, Sungyeol’s leaned in to kiss Hoya on the lips, stopping his nervous ramble.

“You talk too much.”

Hoya blinks at him, then frowns, but Sungyeol kisses him again before he can say anything.

“So, do you want to try this now?” Sungyeol asks. The frown Hoya already has on deepens when he scrunches his brows, and Sungyeol feels laughter bubbling up at his confused face.

“Why do I feel like you’re really excited about this?” The suspicion in Hoya’s voice is obvious even without the cute frown still on his face, and even though Sungyeol knows he shouldn’t, he ends up laughing.

“Well, I mean, I am, but we don’t have to do it now if you don’t want to.”

Hoya pouts a little, before nibbling on his lip.

“…okay, but if I want to?”

Sungyeol stops laughing to think it over seriously. “Well, then we can try it. But uhh, I can’t promise I won’t go soft on you, because technically I still haven’t gotten over my first time since I’ve never topped again after that... and actually, you know what, maybe this is a bad idea, and –”

This time it’s Hoya who leans in to kiss Sungyeol, shutting him up before he can say anything else stupid (stupid _er_ ).

“Sheesh, what a pair we make.”

The light joking tone Sungyeol is used to in Hoya’s voice is back, but it’s gone a quick second later, replaced with something a little more serious.

“Well, it’s okay, I guess. Maybe we can figure this out together.”

Hoya sounds so uncertain, his voice shaky despite the seriousness of his tone, and maybe Sungyeol himself is just as unsure, but he thinks he has never heard anything better. _It’s okay,_ he thinks, _because they can– no, they_ will _figure this out together, eventually_. As his chest grows warm at the thought, Sungyeol’s suddenly aware that it’s fondness – fondness and _love_ filling him up from the inside, fondness and love for _Hoya_ warming his heart, fondness and love threatening to spill out at the realization of just how much he loves Hoya – because he can’t imagine anything better than this, even if all they’re talking about right now is how both of them have (terrible) insecurities and hang-ups. The funny thing is, it’s not even like Hoya’s hang-ups or his own are going away anytime soon (or _easily_ , for all that matter), but Sungyeol can’t exactly say he minds. So maybe they’re both still a little messed up, but _maybe_ that’s okay because they have each other now, and _maybe_ that’s enough.

(Actually, it’s more than enough. Sungyeol wouldn’t want to have it any other way anyway.)

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

When their lips find each other’s again, Sungyeol thinks he can feel the shape of Hoya’s smile against his lips, but he can’t even tease him about it, because he knows he’s probably grinning as well.

“I love you, you know. Regardless.” Hoya says after a while when they part for air. He’s using what Sungyeol said the other day back on him – word for word even – but Sungyeol doesn’t mind.

“Yeah, I know.” A heartbeat passes, and then, softly against Hoya’s lips because he can’t seem to control his urge to kiss them, Sungyeol whispers, “I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> This oneshot took me really long to write, and I really want to thank chelsmels for discussing this story with me whenever I got stuck, even though she doesn't even ship hoyeol, haha. 
> 
> Anyway, a relatively long author's note ahead -
> 
> There's a lot I wanted to put in this a/b/o AU - Sungyeol's and Hoya's individual issues, their presentation/sex/gender and how that affects their relationship, how people view their "unconventional"/not socially "accepted" relationship - and that's how this oneshot grew this long. This is the longest oneshot I've written so far, and yet, there're still many issues within this a/b/o verse that I want to tackle but haven't. Still, I hope some of the ones I brought up in this fic were interesting. Like I said in my author's notes for "Individuals, not stereotypes", Hoya is an omega who doesn't fit omega stereotypes and he fights it quite a bit actually, but a lot of it isn't just tied to his own personal issues and hang-ups, and is instead tied also to his family upbringing, and the kind of society they live in. The relatively more accepting vibe of deviant orientations in "Individuals, not stereotypes" is partly because they were in college then, and were surrounded by accepting friends, but that is often not the case outside of college, which is where Hoya and Sungyeol are right now.
> 
> Also, in relation to mpreg, that has always been an iffy/contentious issue within the a/b/o verse. I referred to [these diagrams](http://stillcian1675.tumblr.com/post/157307422426/fanndists-for-anyone-wondering-about-omegaverse) and [this post](http://stillcian1675.tumblr.com/post/157307413846/omegaverse-biology) for the biology of how mpreg is biologically possible. One sentence is particularly relevant:
> 
>  
> 
> _Instead of an anus or vulva, male omegas possess a cloaca, which then subdivides into the vaginal and rectal canals._
> 
>  
> 
> So yeah, omega males only have one hole but they still have uterus yeah? Anyway, not to bore you with that biology bit, but mpreg is a very interesting possibility in the a/b/o verse, and I wanted to explore some of the ideas, discomfort and prejudices surrounding it, without turning it into just a "Okay, this dude can now give birth" and hey, that's cool (and I don't discount that as a kink), but I guess I wanted something more, to discuss the issues it brings up and the kind of implications it has on society and omega males in particular, especially with stereotypes of omega males being docile or "feminine", because that is something I didn't want to portray Hoya as being. Which is not to say he doesn't have his "feminine" side (whatever that means), because Hoya's soft at times but also strong, but so is Sungyeol actually (and alot of other people), and I think what I'm trying to say is, they're both more than just their presentations. Likewise in our world, I don't think our various identities (gender, sexuality etc) should be the sole determining factor of the kind of person we are. Anyway, I'm not very good at putting all that into a concise paragraph which is why I've chosen to write a story instead, so I will stop here. 
> 
> Do let me know what you think about the story, and I'll love to discuss anything related in the comments below or on [twitter](https://twitter.com/cian1675) :)
> 
> P.S.: I have plans for a 3rd part, but I don't know when that would happen with all the other ongoing fics I have. 
> 
> P.P.S.: I really wanted to write about Hoya's relationship with his family since I watched him on [My Father](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aCuBytwGXX0&t=825s), but of course, this is fiction and although I borrowed some ideas from the show and his interactions with his family there, it's not intended to be accurate. What he says in the fic about being worried that he's becoming his father because of all the harsh words he says is actually a part that happens in the show though.


End file.
